im sorry

sarah, if your reading this, im sorry. im sorry that i ever put you through the stress and awkward frustration that i did. im sorry that i never realized it sooner, and im sorry i didnt understand until now.

i was never a very good friend, and i would have been a terrible boyfriend for you, and it depresses me that i just now see why.

fuck

im so close to just giving up. i need a better way to control anger, because its killing me. badly. and to be quite frank i have no idea how to handle it anymore. it seems like every little thing that the stupid people around me do makes me want to just punch someone. like fuck im so done. i only want to hurt people and i dont know why. so what the fuck am i supposed to do to dissipate such anger? im not happy being so angry, especially since it seems like the only thing that used to release all my anger isn't working anymore, then what do i do?

FUCK!

philosophizing

For 5000 years mankind had been fighting recorded wars, conquering their enemies and imposing their way of life upon the losers. For 5000 years man has killed man in an everlasting struggle for more possession and power, more land and more spoils. If peace is ever finally found, worldwide peace, it will be the biggest habit ever broken by mankind, and will most likely remain the biggest.

On a different note, I realized something about my thoughts and ideas and i found that a lot of them (as my mom has said before) are contradictory to each other. the things that i have chosen to embrace are unnatural and odd when paired together. one of the biggest ones would most likely be, I'm bi, yet i think guns are the coolest thing ever. I hope that world peace can be found, but i doubt the probability of that anomaly. I listen to hardcore music and folk music in the same breath. I REFUSE TO BE THE WIMPY STEREOTYPE OF GAY MEN AND JUST BACK DOWN AND SIT BACK WHILE ASSHOLE STRAIGHT MEN ACT ALL TOUGH. I refuse to let the stereotype run unobstructed, because it would mean agreeing with people who don't deserve to be right.

I FOUND HIM

I FUCKING FOUND HIM.
ITS THE MAN THAT I HONESTLY CANNOT FRICKING RESIST. His name is James Caviezel and i knew id find him eventually, now if only i knew him before he got older, and that he was gay, cuz i can pretty much geuss that hes not. BUT STILL. LOOK AT THAT FACE! GAAHHH *falls over in a fit of lust* <3 href="http://wearemoviegeeks.com/wp-content/3294833272.jpg">