insanity

im insane. someone, (i really dont care who), once said that, "insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result." i cant believe that i can be so stupid and immature. in my great attempt to make myself seem mature, i failed and made a complete fool of myself. and for the past few days, ive been so angry and anxious, that given the proper poking prodding and coaxing, i would have gladly taken a nice sturdy 2x4 and beaten someones face in until i could see the back of their skull. (this was one of my daydreams)

and i would have done it with a fantasic grin on my face too >:)

but anyway...>.> i, cannot, keep doing this, and i really need to get new girlfriend (or boyfriend). i cant believe its been over a year since my last one (shows how terrible she was...) and i find it very sad that i still havent had an honest beautiful relationship, when thats all ive wanted since i was in middle school.

time to go beat someones head in...i mean, um...go, play...my guitar...>.> <.< >:D

perseverance

do you think chasing something for two years is perseverant? what about if its a girl? cuz im begining to think thats just pathetic. ive tried to be there for her for two years. in high school id like to think thats a long time to spend chasing after one person. though i only really get the attention i want when she has nowhere else to turn. Once the need for me is overshadowed by some other, better guy, i become useless, and so im left behind cursing everything around me.

so WTF. why cant i just move on. this is so not fair. im so sick of being dropped for anyone better than me. i dont even think i have the ability to flirt anymore. and these are the thoughts that randomly continue to circle my mind. fuck me -_-

and you continually remain oblivious to it all.