okay, so...

Underoath blows live. they're absolutely terrible. they sucked the harrowing dick of death, and it rained upon their performance. their singers voice cracked so many times, and their set was so highpitched and painful, i blame all of the distress to my ears, and my hearling loss so far to them.

On a much better note, close your eyes, the word alive, and of course A DAY TO REMEMBER were absolutely amazing live. especially adtr. They made that show worth while.

also a day to remembers new album is frickin awesome.
Three more weeks. three more weeks and im allowed to take my road test. I cannot wait for my license. That will make my life sooo much betttterrrrrrr.

Kay so cool story. basically on our plane ride down to north carolina, we had some awesome ass flight attendents. when they were doing the safety instruction thing, (the one that their supposed to show you how to buckle your seatbelt and all that) the dude and the woman in the very front were mimicking the voice on the speakers, that was explaining it all. the dude even had the gay flair about it! with the hand motions and the smile. omg it was so funny. And before all that had even started, the lady up at the front had found one of the pink tickets that you keep in order to reclaim your under carriage carry-on bags, and was asking whos it was, "Attention" she spoke sweetly in a nice calming voice. "I have a pink ticket to a black garment bag. a black garment bag? anyone? we have your pick ticket! any one? any one? going once? going twice? haha! Its mine." she said with an evil little smile. >:D

So halfway through the flight, a couple complaints from me that im hungry, the dude comes to us with the cart thing and asks if we want anything to drink/eat. i say no, just some of the cookies, and my mom adds "yeah, he's hungry." i watch as the dude reaches into his cart and pulls out an entire bag of the delicious ginger cookie things as shown below and pretty much drobs them on the little tray thing in front of me, and asks, "can you eat all those?" i didnt even know what to say, i just smiled back at him and thanked him, and he told us. "just dont let anyone see, itll be our little secret." and that pretty much made my vacation. i fricking love the guy for that. :D

cookie things, partially eaten >.>

long time no talky

so yeah, its been, months since i used this. I'd blame crew and school, and a lack of any social life to give me interesting things to blog about and my fantastic apathy ive been feeling, yeay...

One i realllly need a haircut. specially cuz its been since like august since ive had one and my hair looks like shit. i really need a life and i don't know, something to do. I like my life best when its under a busy-ish schedual (no for some reason i dont remember how to spell that). I started listening to mumford and sons, and the devil wears prada, and more a day to remember, and confide, and abandon all ships, and bayside, and you get the idea. I <3 music agaaaain, specially the harcore shit :D

i rediscovered my love for hummus. yeay. Chemistry is a bitch, math is way too easy, penis pumps excite me...the usual

and yes i do indeed hope to have moderately confused you.
good day sir!

p.s. omfg i can't believe i almost forgot, im going to see a day to remember monday, with underoath, the word alive, and some other band of which i do not remember. ohh well. I CANT FUCKING WAIT!!!

michigan and back, by myself on a plane :D

so i went to michigan over labor day to see my family, man that was fun. i cant wait to go back again. i also got to spend a vacation with my dad, alone, and without my brother and i realized that my brother tends to ruin vacations for me...lol

i also realized i really miss my dad, and i kinda wanna go out and live with him in michigan. but i also kinda dont wanna leave my mom and all my friends here in new york...>.<

like i was actually really sad to be leaving my dad so quickly, and i was depressed like the whole day once i got home...gah

insanity

im insane. someone, (i really dont care who), once said that, "insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result." i cant believe that i can be so stupid and immature. in my great attempt to make myself seem mature, i failed and made a complete fool of myself. and for the past few days, ive been so angry and anxious, that given the proper poking prodding and coaxing, i would have gladly taken a nice sturdy 2x4 and beaten someones face in until i could see the back of their skull. (this was one of my daydreams)

and i would have done it with a fantasic grin on my face too >:)

but anyway...>.> i, cannot, keep doing this, and i really need to get new girlfriend (or boyfriend). i cant believe its been over a year since my last one (shows how terrible she was...) and i find it very sad that i still havent had an honest beautiful relationship, when thats all ive wanted since i was in middle school.

time to go beat someones head in...i mean, um...go, play...my guitar...>.> <.< >:D

perseverance

do you think chasing something for two years is perseverant? what about if its a girl? cuz im begining to think thats just pathetic. ive tried to be there for her for two years. in high school id like to think thats a long time to spend chasing after one person. though i only really get the attention i want when she has nowhere else to turn. Once the need for me is overshadowed by some other, better guy, i become useless, and so im left behind cursing everything around me.

so WTF. why cant i just move on. this is so not fair. im so sick of being dropped for anyone better than me. i dont even think i have the ability to flirt anymore. and these are the thoughts that randomly continue to circle my mind. fuck me -_-

and you continually remain oblivious to it all.

respect, and my lack of it

so i cannot believe it has taken me so long to notice, but i have no respect. i have no respect for myself, and therefore no one respects me. i hate it when mother is right. -_-

i always thought it was an extremely airheaded thing to believe that respect comes from self respect. that, "people care about people who care about themselves." partially because the people that usually told me that are the people who were either extremely air headed or brain dead. but sadly they were right, and i only noticed when i found someone who acts just like me, and watched as they were continually disrespected because of thier own self lothing.

the other reason behind my avoiding of self respect, is because of my fear of being rejected. of trying to make my personality better and in turn having the people i like, look at me in disqust. so i avoided it, and became more diqusted with myself than they ever could, so that i never got embarrassed and hurt...

but ive noticed, that back fires, and actually makes people ignore you, and step all over you, because obviously, its hard to respect someone who just, "lets themselves go" and pity themselves for it. or brags about how they constantly, "dont give a shit" or just lack any caring for themselves and their actions.

so im gunna stop doing that, or at least start trying. i reaally need to.

http://sonofirony.wordpress.com/ my other blog, lolz, sorry about the first post being mean...

whats the point

Id bet money that you forgot about this thing, and hell of alot of use that last post was...then again how could you not forget about it? I kinda disappeared, and its not like i used it all to often anyway. your switching of blogs gives more reason as to your probable forgetting.

so i feel like asking whats the point. why do i even bother anymore, is this fucking blog even worth writing at? it only makes me more emotional...

so why bother right? im gunna assume its cuz you want me to. thats just about been the reason for almost everything i did for the past two years anyway.

its literally always been about you...>.>

oyasumi nasai sora <3

so yeah, three cheers for disappearing for a couple months

I reaaally just havent wanted to face any of my emotional feelings recently, or at least a couple months ago, and me being in crew just allowed me to ignore all my problems. The act of disappearing into your schoolwork and forgetting what being social means is one of the best things i have ever done. id like to believe i was actually happy for a while...but i honestly have no idea. The pursuit of happiness is a cruel and unfair path, and i recently just gave up trying to navigate it. I havent had a girlfriend in over a year...but the problem is, i dont even know if i want one. I thought i had found the perfect person in every aspect, i honestly still believe i did.

but what happens when that person rejects you? do you move on? try to prove them wrong? give up all together? or ignore the fact that you weren't good enough...ignore it for more than a year, chasing mindlessly, "after something that you'll never kill."

well i did all of the above at some point...why? because i couldnt accept rejection, i mean, what happens when the person that you care about the most, decides that your not good enough? its torture. if you could water board the mind, that would be the way to do it. the reason its complete torture is because the person that you care about most, is usually the person that you cannot stand to let go. especially when that person means everything to you.

the only way out, is to move on, so for the past few months, i have tried my best to focus on my own life, rather than hers, and to slowly, just lose the feelings that i had for her. i mean of course the feelings will never die completely, but at least they will be bearable.

so yeah thats what i did for the past few monthss...

fail, fail, fail

i fail at life. i fail at crew, i fail at every relationship I've ever been in, i fail at school, i fail with my friends, i fail to care about almost anyone but myself in life, i fail to actually practice guitar, i fail to follow through with most of my goals, i fail to make any new relationships, i fail to impress anyone when i need to, and i fail to change any of that.

my whole life so far feels like a complete failure. i didn't get anything for my mom for mothers day, cuz i didn't think to, i didn't do anything for her. i even succeeded at making her cry, because i failed to be in a good enough mood to talk to her (i ended up talking to her, and that's when i noticed she was crying). of all people my mom deserves a whole lot from me, and i blew her off, just as i did school, just as i did actually giving any serious effort into anything that i do. all I've succeeded at doing is block everyone that's close to me out of my life, become so asocial that my friends really don't know me. all I've done is crash what pathetic life i had into the ground, and i have no idea how to get back up. I hate myself even more because i have the potential to do very well. for example, my English grade last quarter was a 79.

The Rifle

An explosion,
a warming release,
a noise
and a shocking effect.
Like the snapping of a branch,
deep in the woods,
when all around the trees,
silence rests heavy.
And shattered instantly,
by the pollution of the air,
smoking and hot,
The exhausted shell falls.
As the bolt rushes forward,
and locks the next in place,
ready to be released,
prime to explode.
"BANG!" another branch snaps,
another target destroyed,
like the cracking of a heart,
or biting of fierce grief.
Hanging heavy and sharp,
the pain doesn't subside,
the alarm never falters,
As the quiet heaven falls.
It lands with artistic timing,
sounding with the shell,
the snapping branch,
and the shattering heart.
Spent and washed dry,
cooked off without reason,
the final shell falls,
and the last piece breaks.
Clattering to the ground,
dropped from cold hands,
dripping with ripe guilt,
the Rifle falls.

(I got a 95% on this poem, only because i forgot underline all the poetic devices i used. )
I feel so pathetic right now. And again i find myself asking the final question; why the hell am i alive?

im back....kinddaa

so yeah, im back from my long ass trip (it felt long) to south carolina. and im tired, and sore, and not in the mood to really do anything, but suddenly im thinking of all kinda of things to do that i normally forget about and stuff, so im not online at all. the trip to south carolina other than getting A LOT of rowing in, wasnt as worth it as last year, it kinda depressed me. Nevertheless, it was still fun and interesting and stuff. ill put up pictures of it soon, but i really didnt take many at all. when it came to buying stuff, again i bought almost nothing, and that depressed me as well. The cause of this lack of buying is because i didnt get to go to a lot of the stores i wanted to, because i was stuck in this stupid group of freshmans, and i spent the day on the verge of strangling someone. it honestly would have been a thousand times better if meghan, my ex, didnt beg to be in my group. of all people there, she annoyed me the most. she is the most hyper twitchy, rude, unintelligent girl i have ever met. i forgot why i dated her in the first place, but i definately remember why i broke up with her. and now after all that, i cant show this blog to facebook, AIM, or really any social sinkholes of the internet unless i get rid of this post. lawl

so yeah, huzzah for being emo right nowzzz!

p.s. song i feel like, Over and Over by Three Days Grace <3<3<3

been too long

So its been too long since I've actually used this thing, and I'm not sure what to say...

first off, I have to go to South Carolina, to row, for what seems like eternity. and I'm gonna be reaaally tired and sore, but I still wanna go cuz we screw around and do stupid stuff and last time I went I got a Zippo lighter! XD sadly this also means I will only be able to text people... :(

second, i hate/love my game, far cry 2 and have been playing it waaay too much. The only prolben there being that the game is almost nothing but depressing. Its about wars in Africa and the foreign influence and the gun trades there. Honestly, everyone dies, absolutely everyone. if you find a buddy in the game you like, he/she will most likely be dead in a matter of days of playing the game (its a really long game). the worst part is, most of the time your buddy or partner will die in your arms, or by your hand, because you have to put them out of their misery. idc if its a game, it is completely and utterly depressing. the only reason i keep playing it is cuz the graphics are amazing on this game, and it can be extremely fun to play, but not always. gaaah...

third, crew leaves you no social life, it reaaally blows. I haven't hung out with a lot of my friends in way too long because of only one reason, CREW. but I'm not about to quit crew, after all it is my favorite sport, but it really does strip me of what social life i had. i miss everyone...

But i did get to see Soraa todaaay! <3 So yeah, that made me happy, even if it was for only like four hours...

pictureees

So, i finally got a new phoneee, (pictures of it below) and the one thing that bothers me about it, IT DIDNT COME WITH A CHARM SLOT. lol, so i just hooked my charm to an unconventional area, all i hope is that it doesnt break ma phone. but anywaaay, due to me getting a new phone i had to get all ma pics off ma old phoneee, and i of course had to put them on my blog, just cuz. its looking really depressing and gloomy out right now, and i really am enjoying it haha, and now it started snowing, huzzah!! ^_^




YEAH epic mohawk



...


<3




can you say high much? this is what looking up the washington monument from the bottom is likeee haha




aww, poor kid, he has no pet on his leash haha...


rowing comp, and lotsa ergsss haha...


R.I.P. frederick IV lol


ahaha...


rawr


this is a pen? im sorry it looked like something elseee at first >.>


emo kitty :3


sora!! blurry sora...


yeah, this is Tim, on ma crew team, you see, on our trip to D.C. last year, the varsity guys decided to wrap him completely in toilet paper (like mummy, no duh) and sit him in the elevator for a little while (he volunteered for this) and then we all stood around and watched peoples reactions as he just stood in the elevator moaning...ahhahaha, jk, idk if he was moaning, but some people still didnt get it the elevator because they were afraid of him...haha :P

song lyrics

As you stand in line,
As I crawl behind,
I hold in my hands,
your devastating lies.
Never glancing back,
ignoring one fact:
you break me apart,
as we step to the march of shattered hearts.

also an emo picture just cause... :P


as to the photos of me in a yukata, im not sure when i can get those...but eventually i will ^_^

random, yeay

haaaaaaai, hai...hey...how you doin...?...sex!!! *ducks and hides* PENISSSS, LARGE JUICY THROBBING PENIS!!...anywaaay, its been a while since ive blogged, and thats because im just reallly lazy, and honestly havent had time...or wanted to. despite the fact that ive had enourmous amounts of stuff to write...i just didnt want to actually sit down and write/type (no duh right?) it all out. so here goes...



You know the new movie avatar? probably the one that looked childish and stupid/pointless movie, was actually really good. or at least thats what i thought. (both it looking childish and it being amazing in fact.) the story line (which i thought would be nonexistant) was really well planned out and interesting...funny how that happens...



Alsooo i went to disney world, for the first time evaaah...and we stayed at the swan hotel outside of epcottt, and i had lotsaaa sushii. And while i was thereee, i got to try on a yukata for the first time. maybe ill add the photos later haha, but first i have to retrieve them from James, and his mom's camera, lol. anyway i had lotsa fun and maybe ill go back sometimeee... :3

Also (again) ive been feeling like im going into withdrawl...i dont want to even go online sometimes, and so i dont...it also seems like my access to a comp is getting taken over by mother, and my brother...which annoys me a bit, And i wish that mother would just buy a wireless router but nooo, thats not a good ideaaa. Then i would never get off the internet...stupid mother pisses me off. >:(

anyway, at least now i have a weeks break, that i dont have to think about. hence the reason im acyually blogging in a whileee...huzzahhh for that ^_^