zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz is the noise a cow makes...right?

So, my guitar sounds a hundred times better with new strings, omfg i wish i had changed them earlier. In fact im probably gunna go play it right after this, lol.

also, i need new music, its been way too long since i went on a music finding frenzy, and yes that is a technical term. but the music i have is getting bland and i neeeed to findd moreeee...

also also, i gots a new belt and wrist band from soraa and i reaaally love theeem, (lol im wearing the wristband right now)...<3

anyway, time to dissappear and go play guitar/halo...XD

New strings, nothing new

So today one of the strings on my electric guitar broke, right before my lesson. lolol, i suppose its for the better because those strings were over a year old...so yeaah, they were the same ones that came with the guitar. anyway, i still haven't finished restringing my guitar, i just stopped to write a blog cause mother is gunna make me, "sleep" soon.

quote of the day,
Heather: "Is the diary of Anne Frank a sad book?"

*everyone sitting at the table erupts in laughter*

Max: "no heather of course not, i mean after all, SHE DIES AT THE END..."

Brandon: *Brandon stands up and laughs so hard he has to stand over the trash bin, cause he feels like he's going to throw up*

Me: *cant stop laughing enough to actually say anything*

this happened during a study hall first block, and i had ma arizona so i was in a great mood. anyway, the emo blog about suspicion? well yeah i was right as usual...big surprise...:-/

i was gunna make this post extremely emotional, but i didn't wanna put it on the world wide web...anyway, I still miss sora, and i dunno if her facebook status means that she misses me...i guess one can hope....<3

Roxanne...

His eyes upon your face,

His hand upon your hand,

His lips caress your skin,
Its more than I can stand!!

Why does my heart cry?

Feelings I cant fight,

Youre free to leave me,

But just dont deceive me,

And please Believe me when I say,

I love you...

-moulin rouge

Have you ever had suspicions that you cant get rid of? No matter how hard your try you can't seem to forget about it or ignore it? Even trying to reason with yourself is a complete waste? And even when you do succeed at distracting yourself, the problem is its temperary, and you go right back to those suspicions in no time? I obviously do, (otherwise why would i be talking about it, right?) and would love to believe that they arent true, but it seems that they must be, i think. Have you had suspicions that you want to figuere out, to find out if your right, but at the same time are scared to find out for the same reason? I dont want to know that im right, but i still feel the need to know, even though i know im probably just going to end up regretting not just letting it go. I feel like im stuck in a rut, and dont want to know where the ladder is, but i keep searcing anyway. And when i do find the ladder, its broken; the steps are missing.

if you didnt notice, i feel emo, and i have to many emotions to actually understand how im feeling. Ohh well, i geuss ill get over it eventually...>.<

p.s. i misssss sooooraaa sooo muccchhh, nyaaaa!! <3

Sic Transit Gloria...Glory fades

So I yesterday, a friend showed me a song, and honestly its an amazing song. I would swear there is nothing like it, but on the other hand you probably already know it. It's been out a while already, I just suddenly now got a chance to hear it and understand what people were obsessing about in the first place. The song is Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades by Brand New. Seriously, i feel like i can relate to this song soo much, but the that's the way I'm supposed to feel. Many people can relate to this song, but that's the way its meant to be of course. A good song will most likely be a song that most of anyone can relate to and enjoy. After all if your listening to a song you disagree with, wont you tend to dislike it because of the fact that it goes against your opinions of personal preferences? So, one would think that in theory, A band will try to get a message across, while doing it in words that are broad enough, that it doesn't necessarily single one person out, or at least is still true and honest enough that people can find it amazing. this one of those songs that seems to be able to do all three things, which honestly is very difficult to do, and seriously requires the person writing it to Truly understand and be able to express the emotion they are feeling, or want to make the person on the listening end feel that emotion. mind you the emotion expressed in this song isn't a happy one, its more depressed, stressed, and another emotion i cant describe, or don't understand exactly. i do know what it feels like though, and i cant honestly tell whether i enjoy it. I'm not sure at all.

Most of all though i do find that i love the song. and that's because it has so much emotion and really honest statements that i can relate to. i keep finding my self thinking of sora when i do hear the song and get so many more questions...i miss her most of all though, and i luv her lots and lots, that song especially makes me feel thaat. <3

poems poems poems poems poems poems poems

These are poems I wrote in English, and yes, if this is not an indicator to my evil/sad side, I have no idea what is. Not to be gloomy or anything, its just the type of writing i almost force myself to write, although subconsciously. Anyway...lol


How it Ends

Months had widened in the summer,
My fingers drummed on the window
The muscles bulging,
The street was in turmoil,
People ran all about,
My fingers still drumming,
Touching the window over and over,
Squinting at the desk,
Illegal was on the pages,
The roof leaked, and water was pounding the ground.
Maybe for some purpose,
But I know of none.
My gaze was fixed now on the roof,
Splash, splash, splash,
The rain came down,
And in the street, it was quiet, but I heard the dimpling sound
I squinted as the light grew brighter.
All was over.


Living Art



Two hands, too graceful for one body,
Two pencils, sharp yet dull and disappearing,
Creating oneself, and each other indifferently.
These hands, a plague upon themselves,
For they, bound to create a common enemy,
And lose their mutual freedom,
Their given right
Destined, guardians of the slave master soon,
They carve, the arms they need to see,
Construct, the body, powering them now,
Shaping, legs to carry them any direction do they follow,
Continue to work, a chest soon born,
Chisel the intelligence, they feel to be,
Produce the character, to govern the body,
How they fly in direction of self deprecation,
On the eve, of completion they part,
Two minds one body, coexist can they not,
Lost in the assimilation,
Lost they are.

Chosen
Collected, still, my breath held,
I touched the page, fury pinned in my grip,
Alone, I felt from her.
My gaze, held defiantly,
loss was what i collected,
her shoulders still by the violence,
the mashed key left marks on the cross,
I gasped, my breath labored,
she hadn't been civilized,
Her fury had violently ripped the page,
our page...
She had chosen.
I spoke reassuring her,
passenger to her voice,
passenger to her choice.
I was alone.
Pulsing and breathing, her shoulders shook,
left with choice was i not,
I was left with loss,
loss staring back at me.
i was left with her.

beginning...

Confusion, distrust, but still I feel happiness. I feel myself question everything, and anything, and all I'm left with is confusion, and distrust. Happiness seems to come from the minimal understanding I do have. All i can hope for is that I begin to understand, that my mind starts working again, and that I can actually get myself thinking again, because I think that's my problem to begin with. To give example to my random side, I'm listening to Three Days Grace right now, lol.

Anyway, today i spent nearly four hours at a breakfast thing at a friends house. two hours of that, i spent literally watching football, because i honestly couldn't think of anything better to do. -_- I absolutely hated it. I honestly think if I have to suffer through that again, I'm going to smack my head against the wall until all the horrible thoughts of killing the kid that thought football would be interesting to rest of the people there pour out and I decide whether i should actually punch him and take the remote, or go stand in the snow until i feel better. Of course i never thought to do either of these things at the time, so i sat there, watching the Jets versus the mother f**king Buccaneers.

On a different, (and hopefully happier note,) i miss mokkun...i wanna see her her soon...its been since halloween, but that was the best one yet, especially the danceee <3<3<3