respect, and my lack of it

so i cannot believe it has taken me so long to notice, but i have no respect. i have no respect for myself, and therefore no one respects me. i hate it when mother is right. -_-

i always thought it was an extremely airheaded thing to believe that respect comes from self respect. that, "people care about people who care about themselves." partially because the people that usually told me that are the people who were either extremely air headed or brain dead. but sadly they were right, and i only noticed when i found someone who acts just like me, and watched as they were continually disrespected because of thier own self lothing.

the other reason behind my avoiding of self respect, is because of my fear of being rejected. of trying to make my personality better and in turn having the people i like, look at me in disqust. so i avoided it, and became more diqusted with myself than they ever could, so that i never got embarrassed and hurt...

but ive noticed, that back fires, and actually makes people ignore you, and step all over you, because obviously, its hard to respect someone who just, "lets themselves go" and pity themselves for it. or brags about how they constantly, "dont give a shit" or just lack any caring for themselves and their actions.

so im gunna stop doing that, or at least start trying. i reaally need to.